How Do You Approach Your Parents About Wanting To Find Your Birth Family?

Once you decide that you would like to find your birth family, it’s important to sit down with your parents and have that conversation. Approaching the topic can be difficult and emotional, but the longer you leave it, the harder it may be. Here are a few suggestions that may help make the conversation be a little easier:

Communicate openly and honestly

Firstly, explain to your adoptive family that you are considering searching for your birth family and that you want to be honest with them about it. Keeping it a secret could lead to problems down the line, so speaking to them is best. Just let them know that you value their feelings and opinions, and that you want to make sure that you are all on the same page. 

It’s important to choose the right time to tell them. This conversation is best to be had when everyone is relaxed and you can have a calm conversation, avoiding anyone being busy or highly stressed. Just begin by explaining why you want to find your birth family, whether it’s for medical information, to understand your identity, or simply out of curiosity.

Address any concerns your adoptive family may have

If your adoptive family has any concerns or questions, try to address them as best you can. For example, if they’re worried about your relationship with them, assure them that searching for your birth family doesn’t mean that your relationship will change and that you won’t love them any less. You could start the conversation by expressing your gratitude for all that your adoptive family has done for you.

Understand that this may be a difficult conversation for your adoptive parents as they may have mixed feelings about you finding your birth family. They may feel hurt, jealous or even angry. It’s important to try to and understand their perspective and remember that their feelings are just as valid as yours.

Explain how you’re going to find your birth family

Come to the conversation with information about what you’re planning to do, such as using The Adoption Specialist to help you with your search. This will show your adoptive family that you’ve thought about the matter and you’ve done your research,  as this could help ease their concerns.

If you decide to connect with your birth family once you find them, it’s important to communicate this, as well as your findings, with your adoptive family in a gentle and sensitive manner. Emphasize that this is your personal journey, and it’s important that you are able to take it on your own terms, whilst also being considerate of their feelings.

Be understanding of their emotions

Make sure to be patient and understand your family’s feelings. Take the time to speak to each and everyone of them and hear what they have to say. Let them know that it’s important for you to understand where you come from, and your birth family’s history.

Keep the lines of communication open throughout the process

As you begin your journey and take those first steps, you should keep your adoptive family updated on your search and any progress you make. This will help them feel involved in your journey, and they will be able to offer you any support you may need.

Depending on your situation, your biological family may not be safe to meet, and bear in mind that it’s important to evaluate your safety, and the safety of your adoptive family, before making a decision to meet them. 

Honesty is the best option

Overall, it’s important to be honest, open and respectful when approaching the topic of finding your birth family with your adoptive family. Remember that it is a personal journey and it’s important to be considerate and understanding of the feelings of your adoptive family while also being true to yourself.

Once you decide to take the opportunity to speak with your family, you can then proceed by completing a “Locate Your Parent Form” to begin your journey of finding your birth family.

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