Be patient when searching for family members

When you begin the search for your biological family, it is important to understand that it’s not going to happen overnight. In some cases it can take much longer than you think, but the key is to not lose hope.

If you’re tried in the past with no luck, maybe you need some external help. Here at The Adoption Specialist we have a ‘Locate Your Child Form’, and a ‘Locate Your Parent Form’ to help get you started.

Be prepared for the unexpected

You’ve got to go into this process with an open mind but it may not be as straightforward as you would have hoped. 

There are so many wonderful success stories out there about being reconnected with family but sometimes you don’t fully comprehend what the outcome may be. Some things to consider are:

• You may have more siblings than expected, or you may have no siblings at all.
• Some family members may have already passed.
• They may have already been searching for you as well.
• Your parents might take a while to come around to connect with you.

You may need some extra support from friends and family

It can be very overwhelming when you do begin the search for your birth family, and that’s okay. It’s important to make sure that you are taking care of yourself and how you are feeling. If you need to take a breather then that is not a problem, don’t forget, it’s a big change to your life and your current family dynamic.

It’s a good idea to let those close to you know that you are choosing to find your birth family. Take time to sit down and have a proper conversation with your family about this so that they are fully aware of what you are doing. They may be thrilled that you are doing this, or they may need some time to think about it and process it. 

Being open and honest with your family about why you’re doing this can help strengthen your bond and this way you may have extra support around you when you need it and that extra comfort in your journey. 

There may be some big conversations ahead

How in depth you chose to talk about your past with your birth family is entirely up to you. It may be that you aren’t ready for such big conversations just yet, and you’d rather just get to know them as people first. Alternatively you may want to find out all the answers to your years of questions, in which case you’ll have to make sure all parties are comfortable with this and you can ask away.

It’s important to remember that it may take a while for your family to want to talk about the past, especially if it was a complicated adoption.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself

Many people have this preconceived idea that when they finally meet their birth family they will feel a certain type of way. This isn’t always the case and you need to be prepared to just feel what comes naturally. You may feel intense happiness or sadness but it’s important to understand that all these feelings are valid.

If you decide that when you find a family member, maybe you’re more comfortable messaging them instead of meeting straight away, that is also okay. As long as you are honest with them about how you feel, that’s all you can do. 

Are you ready to start your search?

Now you know some of the basics of what to expect, you can get the ball rolling with your search to find your biological family. The Adoption Specialist is here to help you with your journey, and shedding some light on your past and where you came from.