As an adoptee searching for biological parents, it is natural to hope that you may one day get to meet them and discover more about your family history, gain answers to questions that you have, and perhaps, build a relationship with them in the future.

For some adoptees however, the end result can sometimes be different, as we have discussed in our previous article Reuniting With Your Biological Family – Managing Expectations. Unfortunately in some cases, the discovery that a biological parent is deceased before having a chance to make contact can be a huge shock and an adoptee may feel like their search for answers is over. But does it have to be?

Dealing With Loss and Grief as an Adoptee

Losing any loved one is a harrowing experience and the common expectation can be that as the adoptee didn’t know them, their grief should be less significant than that of someone who knew them well. Grief is not guided by rules or expectations. Complicated feelings of loss, frustration, love, rejection or abandonment are all valid emotions regardless of the perceived relationship.

An adoptee may not necessarily be grieving the person that they never met but instead the loss of the relationship, potential life experiences, answers to questions or the discovery of their family history and other biological relatives. 

If this situation rings true for you, be gentle with yourself – you are entitled to grieve for your loss. Seek out the support of your loved ones and remember that it is okay to ask for help. If you find that you are struggling with the death of your biological parent, it’s always a great idea to speak with a grief counselor or therapist too.

Every person and their adoption situation is different, so if you do not feel any grief at the loss of a biological parent, that is okay too. There is no right or wrong way to feel.

Moving forward with your search

For some, the passing of a biological parent may feel like the end of the road in the search for answers. It doesn’t have to be! In your initial search for your biological parents you may have identified other biological family members, for instance siblings, cousins or aunts and uncles who you could make contact with. They may be willing to share information with you about your biological parent and your family history.

Again, this isn’t always the case for everyone. Another way to continue your search for other biological family members is to complete a DNA test and submit your results to a DNA Database – we recommend Ancestry and 23andMe. Taking more than one DNA Test can widen your search and increase your chances of finding matches to biological family members. 

Help From the Experts

At The Adoption Specialist, we are experts in reuniting families who have been separated through adoption or relinquishment. We understand that searching for birth families is a very emotional and stress filled time in your life and we provide support and guidance to our clients during the whole process.  

Based on our extensive experience and our drive to work tirelessly to help our clients have a smooth, quick and comfortable reunion with their biological families, you can be confident that you will be supported throughout.

Over the years, we have contacted many birth families on behalf of our clients and if required by you, we also provide intermediary services after your search is complete. Our team is here to support you and make sure that you are comfortable and confident with the information that we gather for you. We know and understand the personal and emotional nature of the journey that you are on, especially after the discovery of the loss of a loved one, so we will always treat you and the information you provide with compassion, understanding and thoughtfulness.

Remember that every search is unique, and with our services we can provide you with the knowledge, support and guidance whilst conducting your search discreetly and efficiently.  Get in touch today to arrange your free consultation on (562) 438-6589 or submit a Search Request Form.
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